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He almost glared at her for a moment, then rubbed his eyes and shook his head."Okay, we'll just set that aside for a moment. When I agreed to be with Amanda, I agreed to let her be submissive to me, and to let her give me pleasure. But if she's incurably masochistic, I have to hurt her to keep her happy. The problem is, I don't want to hurt her. Sure, I've gotten a thrill from it, but I don't feel right about it, I feel bad about it. I'm uncomfortable with it. I get a creepy feeling even admitting that I enjoyed it in any way, it's against everything I've ever been taught or stood for. I've been humoring you, and it's not working. Right now, I still want to make love to Amanda, but I want her to enjoy it. I don't know what's weirder, the fact that she sometimes enjoys painful sex, or the fact that she wants me have sex with her right now, knowing she's going to have pain and not enjoy it. How did you think you were going to pull this off, anyway? You must have known I'd figure it out. You have been the guiding light in my life and I won't have you compare yourself to that abusive witch that gave birth to me.”I stared at him as he had never raised his voice to me before and we were both quiet.“Let me ask you something Nariko... why have you never dated in four years? Not once have you brought any man around here... why?”“It would not be right. I was focused on work and on you. I made that commitment and I would never put you in the situation of having to deal with that.” I said.“So you committed yourself to me?” he said“Yes, I want you to succeed and have a wonderful life, like the one that was always meant for you.”“Do you love me Nariko?” he asked.“The question is not fair. I love you, yes. I know we have never said that but I love you... not like that though.” I said somewhat unsteady. A voice inside me was calling me a liar because it was hitting me that I did love him. I was utterly devoted to him and had sacrificed so much for him. Hadn't he done the same for.
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